Without knowing it, had we not been brought to where we stood by a certain kind of faith? For did we not believe in our own reasoning? Did we not have confidence in our ability to think? What was that but a sort of faith? Yes, we had been faithful, abjectly faithful to the God of Reason. So, in one way or another, we discovered that faith had been involved all the time!

pp 53-54 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

...

This hit me like a ton of bricks this morning as I read. All of my life I have relied upon my own abilities to think and solve problems as they arose in everyday life. Seldom - unless it was grave and I was in deep dodo - did I reach out to God or another person for help and direction.

Complete self reliance. Total lack of faith in a Power greater than myself.

Which is complete agnosticism.

I worshipped the God of my Reason and ability. 

I shudder to think about at that right now. No wonder I was eaten up with fear.

I'm so grateful for the grace of loving GOD who has held my hand thus far.