This is a devo I got a couple of weeks ago in my morning email from John Eldredge’s Ransomed Heart ministries. Please read it:
An Identity We Received
10/05/2009
10/05/2009
Identity is not something that falls on us out of the sky. For better or for worse, identity is bestowed. We are who we are in relation to others. But far more important, we draw our identity from our impact on those others—if and how we affect them. We long to know that we make a difference in the lives of others, to know that we matter, that our presence cannot be replaced by a pet, a possession, or even another person. The awful burden of the false self is that it must be constantly maintained.
We think we have to keep doing something in order to be desirable. Once we find something that will bring us some attention, we have to keep it going or risk the loss of the attention.
And so we live with the fear of not being chosen and the burden of maintaining whatever it is about us that might get us noticed and the commitment never to be seen for who we really are. We develop a functional self-image, even if it is a negative one. The little boy paints his red wagon a speckled gray with whatever Father left in the can after putting a new coat on the backyard fence. “Look what I did!” he says, hoping for affirmation of the wonderful impact his presence has on the world. The angry father shames him: “What do you think you’re doing? You’ve ruined it.” The boy forms an identity: My impact is awful; I foul good things up. I am a fouler. And he forms a commitment never to be in a place where he can foul things up again. Years later, his colleagues wonder why he turned down an attractive promotion. The answer lies in his identity, an identity he received from the impact he had on the most important person in his world and his fear of ever being in such a place again.
(The Sacred Romance , 84,85 )
Ransomed Heart
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I'm sorry that I have hurt you, especially when you were a young boy. I know I did things like what was described in the devo above and it grieves me that I hurt you like that. Those things I did were like arrows shot in your heart. It makes me sad thinking about it and writing this.
The even harder (and stranger) part is that I can't pull the arrows out of your heart so you can heal - even though I want to and am deeply sorry that I shot the arrows. I believe the only way of healing from those arrows is to invite Christ into those wounds. Not me, not anyone else: Christ.
One of the things I believe he will do is show you his wounds. By doing that he will give you a 3D, up close, and personal look at love and forgiveness. And that is how he will heal you: showing you His love and forgiveness.
You.
That is how he did it for me. He showed me his love for and forgiveness of me by showing me his wounds. And I’ve come to believe that the only way I can forgive those who have hurt me is by knowing in my heart the love and forgiveness that God has for me so that I can, in turn, forgive those who have hurt me.
You see, I now believe that our relationships with people are connected to our relationship with God: the better our relationship with God, the better our relationships with people. And I believe the converse is true: the more distant we are from God, then the more distant we are from people. And I think forgiveness is the essential ingredient in these relationships – as essential as the air we breathe to live.
Check out Matthew 5:
If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.
And Matthew 6: 14-15:
"In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can't get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God's part.
The kicker for me is the story in Matthew 18 when Peter and Jesus are talking:
21At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, "Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?"
22Jesus replied, "Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven.
23-25"The kingdom of God is like a king who decided to square accounts with his servants. As he got under way, one servant was brought before him who had run up a debt of a hundred thousand dollars. He couldn't pay up, so the king ordered the man, along with his wife, children, and goods, to be auctioned off at the slave market.
26-27"The poor wretch threw himself at the king's feet and begged, 'Give me a chance and I'll pay it all back.' Touched by his plea, the king let him off, erasing the debt.
28"The servant was no sooner out of the room when he came upon one of his fellow servants who owed him ten dollars. He seized him by the throat and demanded, 'Pay up. Now!'
29-31"The poor wretch threw himself down and begged, 'Give me a chance and I'll pay it all back.' But he wouldn't do it. He had him arrested and put in jail until the debt was paid. When the other servants saw this going on, they were outraged and brought a detailed report to the king.
32-35"The king summoned the man and said, 'You evil servant! I forgave your entire debt when you begged me for mercy. Shouldn't you be compelled to be merciful to your fellow servant who asked for mercy?' The king was furious and put the screws to the man until he paid back his entire debt. And that's exactly what my Father in heaven is going to do to each one of you who doesn't forgive unconditionally anyone who asks for mercy."
The first servant didn't know the forgiveness given him because he couldn't in turn forgive the other servant who owed him. That is the forgiveness connection - and it's right in the Lord's Prayer too: "...forgive us of our trespasses (sins) as we forgive those who trespass (hurt) against us.
It's so connected. We forgive, and then, we know God's forgiveness; and then, we can forgive, and then we enjoy an intimacy with those we forgive.
I believe when I truly began to know the forgiveness of God through Christ, then I began to heal and really know God’s love for me. And when I began to really know His love and forgiveness, I began to then live in the nearness of the Kingdom of God that Christ so often talked about. And in that nearness wrapped in His love I experience a freedom and joy like I never knew was real.
And that is my greatest wish for you: the healing of the arrow wounds so that you know, live and breathe in the freedom and joy of God’s love for you – a love that He so desperately wants you to know in your heart.
I love you so dearly.
Papa
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